He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Girls should come with a carfax report
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
