Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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