I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
