she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
