hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize