it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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