I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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