i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
