Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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