Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
