Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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