I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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