i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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