Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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