Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
