i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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