Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The Olympian is in my bed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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