You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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