She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
