I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
