I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
