Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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