He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
