I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
