roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
