Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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