I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize