You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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