My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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