But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
