I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
