Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize