i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
