Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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