yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
