I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
