after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
