okay pat passed out under dana's car
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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