I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
