the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
