Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
