I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
