Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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