I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
