I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
