I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
