i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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