also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i think my mom watched the whole time
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
