Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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