Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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