I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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