Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
