okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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