I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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