Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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