i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
