Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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