dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
