You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
