What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
