I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
