yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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