if only i could text you this smell
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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