oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
