I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
