I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
