plz talk dirty to me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
