are you so shy because you have an std?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
