I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
