I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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