i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
