You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
