Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
