Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
