i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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