never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You made out with two different species that night
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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