He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
