Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
