There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
