So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
