call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
