hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
