the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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