guys are not supposed to queef...right?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
