A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
