That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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