So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
