Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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