This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
