When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
