how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
