I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
