i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
