Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you had me at cake vodka
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize