He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Text me some of your sweat
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
